What's in a name (part 2)

published 07 May 2013

This is a continuation of the story of my name.  The previous installment ended with me having adopted a non-interventionist policy when it came to matters of my name, at  approximately 12 years of age.

As my teenage years progressed, I found that my new policy worked surprisingly well. My school friends became a larger and larger part of my life and the "Kevin" name rose to prominence. I figured that this was probably how things would progress - Kevin would prevail and Chekov would become a family based eccentricity, a pet name, the sort of thing that is not all that unusual. Nevertheless, my home-name did probably have a psychological impact whereby I was able to maintain two entirely separate senses of self. As a teenager named Kevin I was externally indistinguishable from any other straight-down-the-middle rugby playing private school boy.  However, the fact that I was still called "Chekov" by all of my family meant that I retained a sense of myself as a non-conformist, unconventional radical. This proved surprisingly resilient. For example, I recall feeling a distinct sense of dismay when the Berlin wall fell in 1989 which would probably have horrified my school-mates had I been foolish enough to express it.

Kevin Feeney, rugby-playing Gonzaga boy image: 1987

Nonetheless, the twists and turns of fate would not let Chekov fade away as I had imagined it might. As teenagers approach adulthood, the overriding survival-based imperative to conform starts to give way to an urge to express one's individuality. By the time that I was 16 or 17, I was hanging out with the alternative cool kids in school and, having visited my house many times and having heard how I was addressed by my family, they started to refer to me as "Chekov". This happened slowly and subtly, but by the time I came to leave school, entirely without intervention on my part, it seemed that it was Chekov that had won out after all.

The fall and rebirth of Kevin

Upon leaving school, I went to Trinity College Dublin to study ancient history and archaeology.  I thought that this might be my opportunity to finally settle the question of my name once and for all.  I was registered as a student under my official name, from whatever official documents they received, but I thought that it might be possible to intervene at an early stage and ask the department to refer to me by my middle name.  Thus, after the induction lecture for my course, I approached the lecturer with the intention of asking him whether it would be possible to change my name on the class list to Chekov rather than Kevin.  I had to wait my turn as a mature student got to the lecturer first. As I waited, I heard the mature student request, in the most urgent tones, that his name be changed on the class lists.  I wilted on the spot.  I felt that if I made the exact same request, particularly when my middle name is so unusual, I would look as if I was simply copying the man in front of me and I would look totally absurd.  I sloped away with my tail between my legs, resigned once again to a non-interventionist policy.  

In any case, as it turned out, my closest college friends were people whom I had known before joining college who knew me as Chekov and I rarely socialised with those in my course.  A few years later I switched to Computer Science and the division between my friends and my classmates became even more firm.  Kevin became an official name, used purely for identifying myself to faceless educational institutions. 

Upon graduation, I felt that the issue of my name would, finally, become resolved.  I would no longer have to habitually deal with institutions that registered my identity from official documents.  I could present myself as I wished from now on.  Kevin would fade into history, becoming no more than a bad memory of my unloved school days.  This was particularly attractive as I had come to identify as an anarchist and very few of my new social circle had known me during my school days. The friends that I had retained were the ones that had started to call me Chekov as a teenager.  What's more, one of the particular qualities of the anarchist milieu is that people tend to be extremely accepting of diversity and extremely respectful of how people choose to present themselves.  Nobody batted an eyelid when a man with as unusual a name as "Chekov Feeney" introduced himself. 

Graduation Day A conflicted identity expressed in sartorial form - the hat says Chekov, the gown says Kevin Ireland image: Aoife Feeney

Beyond the anarchist milieu, I took various jobs in IT companies and there too, being generally comfortable with odd-balls, people were quite happy to accept my unusual name. I spent much of this period out of Ireland and, when I returned, I had virtually no contact with anybody from my old school days. By 2002, the name Kevin had almost entirely faded from my consciousness as it had been at least 5 years since anybody had used it to address me. 

But, the universe wasn't about to let me away with it that easily.  Sweet Jebus no.  Events conspired to see me returning to Trinity College to do a PhD at the end of 2002.

I could, of course, have asked that I be henceforth known as Chekov and TCD would have been undoubtedly happy to respect my wishes.  Indeed, I informed my supervisor that I was normally known as Chekov and he asked me whether I would like to be known by that name as a PhD student.  I declined.  I told him that Kevin was fine.  I had a couple of reasons for taking that decision. Firstly, as usual, I simply wanted to avoid making a fuss. Secondly I was still stubbornly insistent on a non-interventionist policy - people could call me whatever the hell they liked as far as I was concerned. Thirdly, I had become a reasonably prominent organiser within the anarchist movement and I reasoned that it would be prudent if I could keep my political identity somewhat separate from my scientific and academic identity.  I feared that my political activity could easily damage my scientific reputation and that my research would become tainted by the whiff of political radicalism. It was not that I actively tried to conceal anything - I was always quite open about the fact that I was commonly known as Chekov, but I tended to sign my academic papers "Kevin Chekov Feeney" or "Kevin C Feeney" or even just "Kevin Feeney", depending on how much political attention I was receiving at any particular time.  This meant that my political output was not intermingled with my scientific output when it came to simple things like Google searches.

Chekov Feeney, Revolutionary 1 May 2004 image: William Hederman

At the time that I started my research, I was very committed to political agitation.  I saw my PhD as something that would provide me with the space to continue to be politically active without wasting away on the dole. I never really expected to graduate and my focus on political activity was so all-consuming that I didn't particularly care one way or the other.  Hell, there might even be a revolution before it was noticed that I was a subversive.  Hence I was quite happy to maintain a separate identity in that part of my life.

Now, over 10 years later, it's obvious that things didn't quite work out like that.  In one way, the partitioning of my identity is worse than ever - as academic research became a bigger part of my life and as political activity faded away, more people in my day to day life came to know me as Kevin.  Of course, my family and most of my friends still know me as Chekov and it's inconceivable at this stage of life that that will ever change. However, while my identity may be partitioned among two names, any differences in persona that may have existed between the two identities in earlier years have slowly disappeared as my life has settled into a much more unified and balanced whole.  At this stage all that remains of the division is the name itself. 

Living with a funny name

Having described, in some detail, the history of my name, I will finish by briefly reflecting on my experience.  This can be divided into two quite separate matters: having a common name that is different from one's official name; and having a culturally unusual forename.  

The first matter is, in my opinion, almost entirely without merit.  No matter how pervasive the common name may be, there are always times when one has to use one's official registered name - passports, bank accounts, bills and general dealings with large public institutions.  Having to use a different name than one's common name in these circumstances is simply annoying.  It leads to people who know you getting confused when they hear you addressed by an entirely different name.  You can easily become used to it yourself, as I have, but you constantly find yourself putting those around you in awkward situations.  The only possible benefit is that it gives you the ability to conceal parts of yourself from some of the people you know, but this is a poisoned chalice - it's just more healthy to take responsibility for your own words and actions and not to partition them into different identities.  What's more, when people learn of the divergence between your common name and your official name, as will inevitably happen from time to time, they tend to assume that you have chosen a different name because you have something to hide.  And this is a very hard impression to shake because, more often than not, it is true.  

It is surprisingly frequent for people to go by names that are different from their registered names and they normally guard the secret jealously. I only know this because I frequently am drawn into conversations about names where people reveal such details about themselves to me.  In most cases it is explicitly motivated by a desire to separate oneself from some aspects of one's past.  The most typical case involves immigrants who adopt a new name that is more culturally normal in their new home, but there are many other reasons and they normally involve a desire to draw a line between one's present self and one's past self.

When we hear that some pop star or other has called their child "Moonbeam" or "Brooklyn", a frequent response is to say "the poor child."

The second matter is more complex. It is fairly usual for people to comment with pity upon people who are given unusual names.  When we hear that some pop star or other has called their child "Moonbeam" or "Brooklyn", a frequent response is to say "the poor child."  A highly unusual forename is generally seen as a burden for a child to carry.  However, a lot probably depends on what the unusual name is.  I don't imagine that I would be too happy to be called Moonbeam.  Being named after a great Russian writer, on the other hand, brings with it some connotations of culture and cosmopolitanism, which are attributes that I'm quite happy to be associated with.  I'm also generally fond of Russia and Russian literature and, while I prefer the work of Tolstoy to that of Chekov, I'll happily take the association.

On a slightly broader note, in my experience, highly unusual names are typically a signifier of elite status of some sort.  By giving your child a culturally alien name, you are implicitly declaring that you are quite unconcerned with what the plebs think and that is normally a hallmark of the cultural elites. As an extension of this, many people tend to assume that people with exotic names will be themselves reasonably exotic and interesting. So as long as one has a reasonably extroverted personality to go with the name, it's relatively easy to stand out and to make a greater impression on people than would otherwise be the case.

If you live in a large city, or any region that has significant levels of inward migration and multi-culturalism, unusual names are generally accepted without comment - in New York or London, there are people from so many different cultures that nobody really knows which names are culturally normal.  Even in less cosmopolitan cities, like Dublin, among bohemian circles unusual names are normally not cause for particular comment.  So, for example, amongst my parents' social circles or within the anarchist milieu, my name has rarely attracted any comments or questions at all.  People who are worldly wise generally come to learn that there is great diversity in the world when it comes to names and that it is a sign of cultural narrowness to make a great fuss about somebody's unusual name. 

When it comes to less cosmopolitan places the situation is quite different.  Over the last decade or so, I have had cause to spend a significant amount of time in various rural areas of Ireland and amongst more mainstream parts of the local culture.  Although the majority of people are too polite to make a fuss, there are a significant minority who are not and who exhibit noticeable reactions to being introduced to me.  This phenomenon is exacerbated by the fact that, when it comes to accent and manner, I am unmistakably of indigenous Irish breeding.   A fair number of people are incapable of taking in my name and will substitute their own version of what I must have said for my name no matter how many times I repeat it ("Jacko" is common). In the wild west of Ireland, in particular, I have noticed a phenomenon whereby a look of abject terror runs across people's faces when my name is announced and they physically recoil even as they are in the act of holding out their hand to greet me. 

These reactions are harmless and even amusingly endearing in some ways (the simplicity of the peasantry!). However, there is also a small subset of the population who insist on finding out the 'real truth' behind my name - who refuse to accept that this could be my actual name, assuming that it is a name that I have chosen in order to appear "cool".  I don't think that this actually happens very often, but it is a frequent assumption.

Others launch into long inquisitions as to my name's provenance.  This is annoying as it is a conversation that I have been through many, many thousands of times and, while I don't mind if somebody asks me about my name, there is nothing that I find more boring than responding to a series of questions from somebody who insists on delving deeply into the matter and making a big deal of it. 

I was once on a radio show to talk about some political matter and the host spent about half of the allotted time expressing amazement that I was a leftist revolutionary with a name like "Chekov" - "what are the chances" he asked in amazement.  I responded, several times that "it's just a name".  I had to suppress a strong urge to grab him by the lapels and shout "Anton Chekhov was a gentile playwright, short story writer and Doctor who wrote delicate accounts of the economic and cultural decline of the Russian gentry in the 19th century, just because he was from Russia doesn't mean he was Trotsky or Lenin, you fucking moron, now stop talking about me and my name and ask me about the thing that I'm on your fucking radio show to talk about".

But, having said all of that, it is mercifully rare that somebody manages to really annoy me about my name.  I am so well used to inquisitions that I have a large repertoire of made-up stories and tall tales to recount when the occasion demands.  

Finally, if any readers of this story happen to meet me and wonder what they should call me: either Chekov or Kevin is fine.  I tend to associate Chekov  with more social situations and Kevin with more work-based situations but they're all fine by me.  At this stage Chekov will always feel much more like my real name as it has been much more commonly used in my upbringing and habituation is hard to reverse.  Whatever you do, don't insist that I tell you this story again because I won't.  This is the first time in my life that I have ever recounted this tale in full and it is, hopefully, the last time that I will do so. One of my minor motivations in setting up this website  was to give me a place to write out this story in full so that I could direct interested parties to it and not have to explain my name ever again if at all possible. 

Comments (15)

chekov's picture
chekov

Next up will be the start of the mainline of my story - January 1995 is the launching point. I'll publish the first installment on Thursday and I think it will be a fairly entertaining piece.

Simon McDonnell

Nice one, Jacko. It gets better and better...

Sevinch

then reading your work while sick. Thank you

Conor M

I'm in the same boat. I was already sick, and today I feel down the stairs and injured my leg, unbelievable stuff..

Anyway, I've enjoyed reading so far, I'm looking forward to reading more!

Johnny

Nice work dudiphus

Anonymous

1987….skirting perilously close to a mullet :-)
Enjoying my night-time reading, keep up the good work.

Gnome Chompbar

Chekin should be your new name

Goodyear

Very good read

Anonymous

Marvelous stuff. Laughing out loud here at your inner response to the DJ.....

Dave

That's one difference between city people, and country people. Country people have to clean the chicken manure off their eggs before they eat them. For that I have a new found respect for you Chekov. You've have had to shovel shit from a very young age too. Respect. I happened upon your story, and it has been riveting reading so far. When it comes to names i am much like Nicky kelly always trying to prove i have one. I find the analogy about your name much amusing from that context. I had to sue the government, and i all got was an acknowledgement, and a record change... and a pot of gold.

Conor Feeney

Fair play Chekov - nicely written. As your cousin/neighbour/fellow member of an elite football collective, I occasionally get asked about your name. I am personally relieved to now have somewhere to redirect such enquiries, so I can only imagine how useful this post is going to be for you.
Enjoying the blog - well done.

Yenisey

I really enjoyed it. Thank you
Very cool name, too...

Leness

Great piece. I grew up with two different names as well and my middle name is also unusual, as my parents made it up and is generally the one I use in social settings. I use my first name in work, as unfortunately many bars I have worked in, the boss wanted to use some horrible shortening of my name such as Nessie.

Dee molloy

I loved your unspoken radio moment, and I can relate to the response 'chekov' got in rural Ireland as my 'exotic' looks elicited similar responses and demands for an explanation, only compounded by my very traditional Irish name. People would often yell names at me too, in response to my looks. Usually whatever black pop star sprang to mind. One old guy in the street just stopped in his tracks one day and stared at me. "Oh my god" he said, with a look of shocked disapproval. Maybe it was my Afro? Any way I'm glad Ireland's a more outward looking place now, and its always had a few open-minded, worldly souls like yr good self.

Aoife

Wayyy too long. No-one's name is that interesting.